Do you still see your value by how much dowry you’ll get? Or how luxurious your marriage party will be? Or how much your white dress will cost?
Did you ever ask yourself, why do post graduate women ask for huge amount of dowry than those who just have a BA degree for example? And why do families of beautiful women do the same for something they didn’t even create? Well, this reminds me of how people in the past used to treat and sell concubines and female slaves. The more educated/ beautiful/ young female slaves you have, the more money you will ask for!! Don’t you see that our Muslim societies threat women somewhat similar?!! … You are not a slave my sister. You are not a product!
The dowry, a gift that is given to the wife – and to her only – as an honor and a respect to show that he has a serious desire to marry her with a sense of responsibility and obligation on his part and it’s NOT for you to show off and think that it is your price tag!
Did you not hear the verse in the Qur’an (4:4) when Allah the Almighty said: “And give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously…”?
I am not saying that you can’t get a higher amount of dowry if the two parties agree upon a certain amount. But when you ask for a huge amount of dowry that the groom can’t offer though he wants you, remember that you are creating problems from the very beginning. Don’t be a burden to your future husband by asking for what he can’t offer.
Don’t insist on having the most expensive white dress or jewelers or the best wedding venue that costs thousands of dollars. Sit down and think deeply of the amount of money HE has to have in order to get married; the house whether owned or rented, the furniture, the wedding feast, the wedding venues rent, the presents, etc.
People make marriage to be a very lavish expensive and a complicated affair just to let others happy and displaying what they have and what they can do. And because of the bad cultural norms, the wedding with its complicated, very expensive preparations, it actually destroys the marriage itself before it is even started.
Marriage is considered to be an honorable course of action, don’t make it difficult by what you ask for. Say NO to traditions that contradicts the teachings of Islam. Let go of the society’s bad perception of dowry and marriage and start the change. Tell them that it’s not about money it’s about love, caring and living together forever. It’s YOU that determines what you worth by what you accept. Proudly, say NO to everything belittling your value, sisters.