When I was 16, I taught kids Tajweed at our local masjid. One day, two of my students argued and their voice raised and I noticed that there is something wrong happening. I understood that both were ‘fighting’ to sit next to me. I was like, really?! I started to talk to both that we have to love for others what we love for ourselves, waiting for either of them to leave the place for her sister. No one did. I don’t remember what I finally did but I remember that I went home angry explaining to my father what happened. He smiled. He told me that this also happens among the educated elders! I found that strange. I know that the older you are the wiser you become, but I think that’s not in reality. Sometimes you have to give clear orders so people can listen and obey. Don’t expect people to understand from your indirect speech, you just have to state what you want people to do clearly.
I had a friend, she used to be my best and my closest, who changed in so many ways, in the way she thinks of religion, freedom and many other things. We used to agree on things, but when principles change, I say to myself I have to be careful even if that person was my sister. I was thinking of a way to stop my relationship with whom I spent my uni life with- and I don’t remember that I ever had a friend who lasted for more than maybe seven years in my life (due to the many travels my family did, and moving from one place to another) Anyway, I thought that I have to take serious steps in our friendship or else my religion might be affected. The only way to keep our relationship good was to be honest and tell her not to ever discuss things that we don’t agree on, especially when it comes to religion and how it is practiced. I understand that we might be different and that is something beautiful. But it’s never good when what changes us will make us feel that, “I am better than you” … stating what you feel in an open conversation will save you from very bad endings.
When I notice that one of my siblings attitude changed to the better I motivate him. I tell him/ her that I love you for what you are doing or fir trying to be a better person. Noticing the good attitude without uttering the words to that person won’t give the same results.
“O my father, hire him. Indeed, the best one you can hire is the strong and the trustworthy.” Quran surah al-Qasas 26
This is what the woman said to her father when she noticed his good character. Then her father married him to his daughter. Saying what we truly feel whether good or bad is relief. It does make a difference.
In some situations, the second person might understand your indirect speech, but he needs to hear it, to make sure that you hate, need or loves him.
Saying, “I love you”, “I am sorry”, “I hate you”, “I need you” can change a life.